I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
