Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
