On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
