thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
