well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
