everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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