Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i think my cat just said my name.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
