One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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