I bet he comes in French.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
