you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize