I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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