I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
