when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
