We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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