i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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