she woke up with a sticky ear
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
