I'm going to jail i love you
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
