I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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