well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
