Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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