I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
