After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
