I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
