I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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