I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
