im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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