your room smells of hookers.
And success
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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