I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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