3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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