Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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