peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize