I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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