I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
