On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
