seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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