The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
