Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
