pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
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