I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
