remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize