She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
