You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
