After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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