i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
