And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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