I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
