Dude my mom stole all your condoms
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
