you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
