glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
