he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
