I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
