Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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