I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
