My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
