I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
