Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
