Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
