I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
