Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
