Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
