I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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