So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's blow job season.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
