either way he was missing a nipple.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
