How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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