He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
