Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
