so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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