He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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