oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
