My underwear smells like fireworks.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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