You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Randomize
